28 mins: Another random shot, from Lyon this time, as Tousart’s 25-yard volley floats into Pickford’s hands. “As a United fan, it’s nice to see Memphis Depay finally find a way to play decent football with a teammate named Marçal,” jokes someone who appears to be known simply as J.

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26 mins: Another shot from outside the box from Everton, and Schneiderlin’s effort isn’t on target either. Meanwhile, Rooney Jr and Snr engage in a game of completely-contrasting-facial-expression bingo.

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24 mins: Traore beats two defenders with really humiliating ease and passes to the overlapping Tete. Pickford comes out smartly to catch the cross, with nobody but a lip-licking striker beyond him.

23 mins: Fekir goes down again, in Everton’s penalty area this time. The referee, and indeed everyone else, is still ignoring him.

21 mins: Everton are properly in the game now. Davies passes to Mirallas, who runs inside from the left wing before dragging a right-foot shot wide of the near post from 20 yards.

19 mins: Fekir, whose ankle seems just fine now, controls a long pass from Aouar nicely on his chest and tries to flick the ball over Williams. It hits the defender on the chest but Fekir screams for a handball anyway. The referee pays even less attention to his whining this time than he did when Fekir said he had a sore ankle.

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17 mins: Another Everton free-kick on the right and this time they win the header, and Vlasic slams a volley well over the bar from 20 yards.

16 mins: Everton try really hard to do some attacking, but just end up stabbing the ball about randomly on the edge of the area, and it’s eventually smacked clear. Still, the home fans give a roar of approval.

14 mins: Vlasic goes flying under challenge from Marçel and is amazed when the referee gives Lyon a free kick. Marçel makes up for it by fouling Holgate about five seconds later, so Everton have their free kick after all, out on the right wing. It’s headed clear.

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12 mins: You wouldn’t have thought Lyon have had a poor run of results, as so far they look full of confidence – and quality.

11 mins: Lyon have had 68% of possession so far.

10 mins: Goal-saving challenge from Williams! Fekir passes into the area and Depay would have got to it before Pickford had Williams to slide in and take it first!

9 mins: Fekir has gone down clutching his right ankle. He’s ignored by everyone else, so eventually he gingerly gets to his feet. It remains to be seen if he was completely faking.

7 mins: Lyon attack again, and Marçal has the entire left-hand side of the pitch to himself as the ball is played into space, but he crosses into the enarest defender.

Fekir shoots low and hard to his right, and though Pickford goes the right way the shot is just too well placed!

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5 mins: It’s been all Lyon so far, and now Depay passes to Marcal, who is taken out by Holgate just inside the area, giving the referee little choice but to point to the spot!

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3 mins: The ball rolls into the Everton area. Ashley Williams shepherds it while Pickford runs out and then, just as Pickford arrives, boots it into touch for no obvious reason.

2 mins: The early talking point is: is Houssem Aouar the only footballer whose surname sounds like someone doing an impersonation of a West Country farmer? It’s a great surname, but would be even better if it was Eric Cantona’s middle name.

1 min: They’ve kicked off!

Kick-off very much imminent.

They’re out of the tunnel, and have shaken hands and everything. Well, done brief hand-clasps.

BT Sport have finally turned their attention to Goodison, and the players are already in the tunnel.

“Wayne Rooney was born 15 years ago?” boggles Ian Copestake. “When his mum announced him to the world (in a hospital ward against a temporary background replete with sponsor logos) I am sure she would not have imagined he would both burn out so early and yet age so rapidly.” Rooney’s decline from the heroic to the humdrum makes me profoundly sad.

Elsewhere, Arsenal have just scored a beautiful goal to take the lead at Red Star Belgrade. Seek it out.

Here’s Fekir’s 94th-minute free-kick winner against Monaco on Friday, his seventh goal of the season. Without wishing ill on Everton, I’d be very happy to see him hit top form this evening (though it’s worth noting that all seven of those goals have come at home).

So with Everton needing to win and therefore to score, Rooney is out completely and Sigurdsson is on the bench. Kevin Mirallas and Davy Klaassen are in, and Tom Davies replaces Idrissa Gueye in midfield, which is just as well given that he’s on the front of the match programme.

You may spot the total absence of Wayne Rooney from Everton’s matchday squad:

18-year-old striker Myziane Maolida is expected to make his full debut for Lyon tonight, in the absence of groin-twanged Mariano Diaz. And yes, before you ask, his name is an anagram of “I amazed oily man”, and also “I am dozy animal, e!”

Hello world!

With two wins and five defeats in their last 11 games, these are difficult times for Everton. So far in Europe, since sneaking past Hajduk Split in the qualifiers, they have drawn at home to Apollon Limassol and lost really quite horribly at Atalanta. Lyon meanwhile have won two of their last nine games, drawing six – three of them 3-3, though Nabil Fekir’s last-minute winner against Monaco last Friday means they at least head to Merseyside in reasonably good spirits. With Ronald Koeman already unpopular and Arsenal to visit on Sunday, this is a big week for the Dutch tactician. Lyon, meanwhile, reached the semi-finals of this competition last season and host the final this season, so are under some pressure to progress and are yet to win in the Europa League this season.

In other news, precisely 15 years ago today…

Simon will be here shortly. In the meantime you can read why Ronald Koeman believes this is a must-win game …