Trump-supporting Florida mail bomber Cesar Sayoc reportedly penned a letter to a federal judge saying he never intended to hurt anyone when he sent out more than a dozen pipe bombs to Trump critics last year. According to the Associated Press, the 47-year-old—who mailed 16 improvised explosives to prominent critics of President Trump before the 2018 midterm elections—blamed the move partly on his decades of steroid abuse and claimed that he had only wanted to “tone down the liberal left violence platform.” Sayoc reportedly told the judge that the explosives he sent were not meant to explode—but were only supposed to be fireworks. He also wrote that he was using “heavy amounts of steroids” and taking 274 different supplements before his arrest, which he said took a toll on his mental health.

He told U.S. District Judge Jed Rakoff that he first found President Trump on social media and appeared to liken his support for Trump to addiction, saying he felt “so wrapped up in this new found fun drug” when he attended a Florida Trump rally. Despite this, he said in a letter that he is no longer involved in politics. “Politics is dirty, ruthless, deadly,” he was quoted as writing. “It is a poison. It will drive you crazy like it or not.” Sayoc pleaded guilty to explosive-related charges last month and will be sentenced in August. He could face life in prison.