Your disappointment with how the National Spelling Bee ended Thursday on ESPN is a measure of how much you enjoy seeing kids, ages 12-14, destroyed on national television.
If you’re the sort of “agony of defeat” aficionado who watches Little League World Series games to see children sobbing uncontrollably because little Jimmy failed to turn a double play, perhaps you were let down by organizers’ decision to crown eight champions.
Only a sadist could be upset that eight gifted and intensely focused youngsters each went home with $50,000 and a trophy — not to mention their hopes that hard works pays a dividend fully intact.
But bet your bougainvillea, it was an odd note on which to end.
At least it didn’t go to penalty shots.
Now let’s stipulate the spelling bee isn’t sports in the strictest sense, but for 13 years now the championship rounds have run live in prime time on ESPN. And it is a more engaging competition than “Around the Horn,” if not cornhole or Frisbee golf.
Also, “erysipelas” — which was the winning word for one of the eight 2019 champs, Erin Howard of Huntsville, Ala. — is a dreadful skin condition that contributed to the death in 1929 at age 51 of Miller Huggins, Hall of Fame manager of the revered 1927 “Murderers’ Row” Yankees.
Jacques Bailly, the bee’s official pronouncer, announced after round 17 that any and all of the eight remaining contenders who got through his or her next three words would be a champion, which is precisely what happened.
“We do have plenty of words remaining in our list, but we’ll soon run out of words that will challenge you,” Bailly said.
“We’re throwing the dictionary at you — and so far, you are showing this dictionary who is boss.”
Admittedly this seems weird. Picture Alex Trebek telling James Holzhauer that “Jeopardy!” has run out of answers and questions.
This suggests the hive-mind behind the bee might need a bigger dictionary, a longer list of words or at least a budget expanded to award potentially hundreds of thousands of dollars to co-champions each year.
Had there been only two champions — not an uncommon result in recent years — the organizers had guidelines that dictated sharing the first two prize purses equally. Eight winners forced opening the coffers.
A tie in this case is not like kissing your sister, unless, of course, that sort of thing pays $50,000 in your family.
A tie is a result. The eight finalists proved their mettle. This was no participation award they won.
Sometimes the cliche holds and it really is more about the journey than the destination. Be grateful you now know that the webbing of a duck’s foot is “palama.”
If you can’t find satisfaction in that, find a car race to watch. Someone should win and there might be a horrible crash along the way.
philrosenthal@chicagotribune.com
Twitter @phil_rosenthal
