Why we need more people to be honest about how they bought their first home

Last year my boyfriend and I bought our first London property and I posted an excited picture on Instagram. #Homeowners.

What my Insta followers didn’t see was that it was only possible to accelerate our plan to buy because my dad died unexpectedly and I received a life insurance payout from his employer.

It’s not a fun story, and not something I really felt like sharing on social media – but a lack of clarity over how people are really able to get on the property ladder can have a pervasive and damaging impact.

‘Can we all be “A BIT” more honest about how we paid for our first homes?’ tweeted personal finance expert Lynn Beattie earlier this week.

‘Yep I was 24, but I bought with my boyfriend (who was 10 years older with much more money) who paid the entire deposit.’

Her tweet was in response to Kirstie Allsopp’s column in The Times, which suggested Millennials could ‘of course’ afford to buy property if they simply moved somewhere cheaper and gave up certain luxuries.

Kirstie then faced a barrage of backlash after it was revealed her family helped her to buy her first home at the age of 21.

Lynn’s initial tweet quickly turned into a much-discussed thread, with thousands sharing their stories of the help they had to get on the property ladder – a conversation that is rarely spoken about openly.

‘I was 23, bought with my sister who earned significantly more than me. Deposit came 80% from our deceased mother’s pension,’ replied one woman.

Another said: ‘I was 26 and I borrowed half of the £12k deposit from my older brother and mum for a £120k flat in north west London.’

‘I saved for a deposit by living (very frugally) with my parents for two-three years,’ revealed another. ‘I paid them a contribution, but nowhere near what renting would cost.’

The reality is that stories like this are the norm.

First-time buyers – particularly in cities like London where property prices are ever spiralling – rely heavily on inheritance, moving in with family, and the ‘bank of mum and dad’ in order to pay their deposit and be approved for a mortgage.

In fact, parents supported 49% of first-time buyer purchases in 2021, with the total contributions from mums and dads helping their kids to buy expected to reach £9.8 billion in 2021, according to Savills.

This equates to an average of just over £58,000 in gifts or loans for each supported house purchase.

But we don’t really talk about it.

Culturally, we Brits are funny about money. Taught that it’s rude to even bring it up, most of us would never mention our salaries – even to close friends – and we tend to be shifty and vague about how much we have in savings, and how much help we might have received along the way.

This isn’t entirely surprising. Admitting privilege is a tough thing to do, and nobody likes telling people they have had a leg-up for fear of undermining their own achievements.

But in a society that pedestalises home-ownership and piles the pressure on young people to stop ‘wasting money’ on rent, withholding information and making buying a property look easier than it really is can be devastating for those who don’t have the same privileges.

‘The average age for buying your first home across the country is 33. In London, this jumps to 35,’ Matt Cavender, director of Cavender Estate Agents, tells Metro.co.uk.

‘The main reason for this is simply not being able to save large chunks of our salaries for a deposit. Lower salaries across the board result in lower mortgages and with the continuously skyrocketing house prices, it makes it near impossible.’

He says the pandemic and the looming cost of living crisis is only making things harder for young people who are trying to buy, particularly those hoping to do it without a partner.

‘Single salary households cannot keep up rent payments, save for a deposit and live a good quality of life – it’s just not possible,’ says Matt.

‘Because of this, young people and even those well into their careers, are relying on inheritance or financial support from family to even get their foot on the ladder.’

Why is it so hard to talk about getting financial help?

Matt says taking a leap into home ownership is a signal of becoming more independent and grown-up, and most people just don’t like to admit they needed help to get there.

‘We know full well a lot of other first-time buyers have had input from elsewhere, but the thought of being able to do it yourself is far more appealing,’ Matt says.

‘It’s like we have a reputation to uphold of being financially stable and proving to ourselves we’ve worked hard enough to get there. It feels like you’ve earned it.’

Margot De Broglie is the co-founder of financial education platform Your Juno, she says it’s about the shame that is often attached to privilege.

‘In our society, there is a glorification of the self-made successful person and admitting that you had help to get on the property ladder goes against that,’ says Margot.

‘But the secrecy surrounding finance is unhelpful and harmful because it makes buying a property seem easier than it is – which we know is not reality. It’s never been more difficult to own a home and we need to be honest about the fact that there is a huge issue of inheritance inequality in the UK which means that there is no level playing field.’

For Margot, the secretiveness surrounding how young people get on the property ladder distorts the conversation we have about money.

‘We’re led to believe that if Gen-Z and Millennials just stopped buying Pret coffees, fancy gym memberships and moved to the Outer Hebrides hundreds of miles from their friends and family, they could easily buy a home,’ she says.

‘Look at the maths, people – it just doesn’t add up. The average house price is 65 times higher than in 1970, but average wages are only 36 times higher. Couple that with rising living costs, alongside other structural inequalities – like the gender money gap – and realistically no amount of sacrificed flat whites is going to get you much closer to owning a home.’

Margot says being honest with friends about how you raised the money for a deposit and open about structural inequalities that exist would massively help to balance the conversation.

‘It would also reduce feelings of inadequacy or failure among people trying to get on the property ladder without the support from family,’ she adds.

How to cope if you feel shame because of your finances

If buying a property feels like an impossible dream to you, hearing your friends talk about their mortgages, or seeing #NewHome posts on social media can be really hard to swallow.

But your financial situation, ability to access generational wealth, and socioeconomic position has nothing to do with who you are as a person, and the amount of money you have in the bank shouldn’t have to be a source of shame.

‘Firstly, it’s important to remind yourself that not being able to get on the property ladder is not solely down to you – there are bigger powers (e.g. soaring property prices, inflation, the gender money gap, inheritance inequality) at play,’ says Margot.

‘Look at your money goals – what is it you want your money to do for you?

‘If you want your money to travel, to launch a business or support a family one day, then perhaps buying a property isn’t the right goal for you in this current climate.

‘You don’t need to aim to buy because of societal pressure, instead set realistic goals and intentions that directly build up to the life you want to lead.’

Margot adds that openness and honesty regarding our financial situations might feel a bit awkward in the short-term, but the long-term rewards are more than worth it.

‘Typically, money has been a taboo topic – but this is changing and people are speaking about it more often,’ she says.

‘Despite patronising headlines about oat lattes and TikTok addiction, uptake of financial education platforms and money management apps tells us that Gen-Z is one of the most financially informed and confident groups.

‘We can all take a lead from this group and talk more honestly about our finances with friends so that the conversation shifts from blaming the individual to recognising the wider structural inequality and economic context that contributes to financial struggles.’

If you want more tips and tricks on saving money, as well as chat about cash and alerts on deals and discounts, join our Facebook Group, Money Pot.

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