How to Help Your Baby Cope With Stranger Anxiety

Most babies get cranky around people they don't recognize, whether it's a complete stranger or a grandparent who lives in another state. This reaction is completely normal and signals intellectual development. "It means that your child is able to tell the difference between people she's close to and people she doesn't know," says Lu Hanessian, author of Let the Baby Drive: Navigating the New Road of Motherhood.

Babies are smart, but they can't tell you exactly what they are thinking, so instead, they send up the only red flag they know: They cry. Sometimes babies cry when they see a certain person who is unfamiliar because their brains are beginning to understand stranger danger.

That's all well and good, but if your baby's stranger anxiety makes it difficult for you to go about everyday life—whether that's going to work, going to the store, or even going out for date night—something is going to have to give. "You don't want to completely put your life on hold," says Ari Brown, M.D., co-author of Baby 411: Clear Answers and Smart Advice for Your Baby's First Year. Nor do you have to.

Read on to learn more about stranger anxiety in babies and strategies to soothe their fear.

What Causes Stranger Anxiety in Babies?

In the first months of life, it's almost as if your child has no short-term memory. "If you take a toy away, it no longer exists to the child," explains Dr. Brown. The same goes for people. That's why many infants have little trouble going from the arms of one adult to another.

Eventually, though, your baby turns an intellectual corner. As a baby's brain matures, they realize that things still exist even though they can't see them anymore—and that includes parents and caregivers, says Dr. Brown. Babies begin to understand this phenomenon, called object permanence, around 8 or 9 months.

You'll notice that your little one starts to miss your warmth, comfort, and familiarity when you aren't in the room. They'll also wonder what will happen when you aren't around. These feelings trigger the development of two perfectly normal fears: a fear of strangers and a fear of being separated from their caregivers.

Signs Your Baby Has Stranger Anxiety

Stranger anxiety might be a common behavior in older babies, but that doesn't make this intellectual milestone feel easy to deal with. If your baby has been overly sensitive around new people lately, and you suspect it could be stranger anxiety, watch for these signs:

• Your baby might "freeze" when a stranger approaches them.
• Your baby becomes clingy when other people are around.
• When unfamiliar faces get close, your baby cries.
• They might try to hide their face or reach out to be picked up and held close by you.

Tips for Dealing With Stranger Anxiety

It's natural for friends and family to scoop your baby up and make them the center of attention, but this can be overwhelming for them, says Lisa M. Asta, M.D., clinical professor of pediatrics at the University of California, San Francisco. Far from something to be concerned about, stranger anxiety can be a sign of a baby's healthy attachment to a primary caregiver, which is essential to their emotional development.

To soothe your baby's fears and minimize bad reactions, gently introduce them to new people. Here are a few tips:

• If your baby protests a friendly advance from an outsider, politely explain to the person that your baby needs time to warm up.
• Let the person speak to your baby while they're secure on your lap or in your arms.
• Use a calm, soothing voice and body language to help your child understand that the unfamiliar person is safe.
• If the unfamiliar person is a babysitter or someone who will be spending time alone with your baby, try to arrange a few visits together so that you can support your baby while they warm up to them.
• If your baby cries, respond in a soothing, loving way, and try to avoid dismissing their discomfort.
• Consider finding lots of opportunities to expose your baby to new people to help them get used to meeting new people.

Be patient if the process takes time. Like adults, infants have their own temperaments and levels of sociability. Let your baby make friends at their own pace, and never force them to go to someone if they don't want to.

Making Your Baby Comfortable With New Caregivers

When it comes to getting your baby comfortable with new caregivers, it's mostly about putting in the time. Have a new babysitter or caregiver arrive at least 30 minutes before you leave so your child can get comfortable with them while you're there to help them acclimate.

"It's well worth the extra money," says Janet Nelson, Ph.D., a child psychologist in Montclair, New Jersey. If you're returning to work, have your caregiver begin a few weeks early. That way, you can leave your baby for short stretches and slowly build up for the big day. Make sure your sitter knows your child's favorite toys, snacks, diversions, and their preferred soothing techniques.

And don't sneak out of the house. Sneaking out can affect trust, which can increase anxiety, says Dr. Nelson. If you're desperate to sidestep a tearful farewell, a change of scenery might be helpful: Have your sitter and the baby leave the house with you, then say goodbye when you reach the corner.