Fendi’s £750 ‘vulva’ scarf makes wearers look like they’re being born

Name: The Touch of Fur shawl by Fendi.

Age: New in this season’s womenswear collection.

Price: £750.

Appearance: Well … um … That’s the thing.

What’s the thing? The appearance.

What about it? It’s peachy pink, made from silk and wool, trimmed with (ugh) real fox fur … and …

Yes? It looks like a giant vulva.

The external female genital organ? Yup.

I see. And what’s wrong with that? Half the world has a vulva, you know. I do know, yes.

For too long, while penises were faintly comical, the subject of only mild swearwords, the vagina has remained somehow shocking, shameful, unmentionable … I agree.

We should be proud of our bodies. I’m sick and tired of wearing clothes that don’t look like vulvas! OK. Although I do wonder if there might be a middle ground between being ashamed of your vulva and wearing a giant replica of it around your neck.

Why compromise? Because it costs £750, for one thing.

I expect some cheap high-street copies will be along soon. I’m not sure they will. It makes you look like you’re being born.

That’s perfectly natural, too. Indeed, but perhaps not very elegant. It seems that the shawl was first shared on Twitter on Friday evening. Judging from the reaction, most people were too busy laughing to rush out and buy one.

They all laughed at Einstein, remember. I think they were mostly quite impressed with Einstein.

Can you choose different colours to match your skin tone, like you can with emoji? Not really. Besides pink, there is just bright blue and bright red.

That’s a wasted opportunity. You’re missing the point. Fendi is a classy Italian fashion house led by Karl Lagerfeld. I don’t think it meant this shawl to look like a vulva at all.

Oh. I thought it was a fashion thing. You know, drape yourself in a vulva, prance about looking cross. Actually, it looks more like a mistake thing. If you go on Fendi’s website, the page with the pink Touch of Fur shawl appears to have been removed, while the blue and red ones still remain.

I suppose a blue or a red one would do, in an emergency. Or there’s a pink one without the fur?

I refuse to submit my shawl to that kind of treatment! Suit yourself.

Do say: “Half my clutch bags already look like vulvas, to be fair.”

Don’t say: “Listen, I’ve got a great idea for a furry pink tie …”