Husband Asks Reddit If He's a Jerk for Refusing to Split the Cost of Formula With His Wife

April 1, 2019

Most of the time, when parents take to the internet with questions about raising their L.O., they're looking for concrete advice on an array of subjects, i.e. whether to co-sleep, what kind of car seat is best, what they can do to minimize stress when traveling with a newborn, etc. But one dad recently asked the internet something a lot more basic: Is he a total jerk?

There's a whole subreddit called r/AmItheAsshole created for this very purpose, described as "a catharsis for the frustrated moral philosopher in all of us, and a place to finally find out if you were wrong in an argument that's been bothering you." Redditors are encouraged to write "about any non-violent conflict you have experienced; give us both sides of the story, and find out if you're right, or you're the asshole." The anonymous father decided to ask the community if he's an asshole for telling his wife that the money spent on formula should come out of her budget alone, because she's decided "to basically stop [breastfeeding] for no reason."

The post, which has since been deleted but not before it was screenshot by Twitter user @collectdust, read, "AITA for thinking formula should come out of my wife's budget? ... She has been breastfeeding for 6 months since the baby was born and now wants to switch to formula. She makes plenty of milk and everything she just says she 'feels done.' I think if she wants to stop for no reason then the money for formula should come out of her personal spending money because she is the one making that decision. She says I'm an asshole and it should come from the family/grocery budget (which is already tight) even though I don't have a say."

The Twitter user who screenshot the post shared it with the comment, "Take all the food out of the house and tell him to get fed on his own body."

Others responded in kind, rolling their eyes at the audacity of this dad. Twitter user @EmilyT804 wrote, "...does he want to pay for a breast lift later on? Come on, dude, we all know breast is best, but we also know that comes with some wear and tear...baby teeth ugh."

@fay_kenews said, "Answer: yes. Her body, her choice. The fact that he’s even talking about it coming out of her “personal spending money” speaks volumes. He probably mansplained pregnancy and birth to her, as well."

@Lexsaur said, "She should invoice him for the hours spent nursing / pumping and take that out of his budget."

@Tamchanted noted, "I hope she sees and saves this for the divorce lawyer."

Seems as though this father could stand to take a crash course on some simple facts: Moms stop breastfeeding at different times for a variety of reasons. Breastfed babies need to eat more often than those on formula, which means they're getting less sleep and time to take care of themselves (which must happen in order for them to take care of their child). Then there are issues like sore nipples, insufficient milk production, an infant's breastfeeding difficulty, as well as their infant's lack of satisfaction with breast milk, notes the journal Pediatrics. Aside from all of these potential side effects of nursing, there may come a time when a mom naturally feels she's ready to wean her baby.

All of this adds up to one very clear bottom-line: This dad is absolutely an asshole. So much so that his wife might want to do the same thing to their marriage that this guy did to his Reddit account: hit delete.