On 30 April 2020, comedians Alex Horne, Tim Key and Mark Watson uploaded a YouTube video of themselves playing a game they’d invented called No More Jockeys. Nine months, 29 episodes and nearly 1.5 million views later, No More Jockeys has become a lockdown phenomenon. This week, a third set of games gets underway.
Played over Zoom and often under the influence, the premise is simple: on each turn, players must name a person plus a category they fall into that must subsequently be avoided. For example, Richard E Grant – no more verbs as surnames. With each new category that’s added it gets harder to name someone who isn’t ruled out. Last man standing (or usually sitting) wins.
The trio had been playing the game on and off for years, but took it online when the first lockdown hit the UK. “I thought it'd be fun to record one,” says Watson. “At that point I don't think any of us thought we'd start doing sets.”
“Even when we did decide we should put it out there, I think there was a policy of doing it with very little fanfare or noise and just seeing what happened,” says Key.
Horne reckons “at least an hour” is edited out of each game before it’s uploaded (“If you watched one in its entirety it'd be a lot easier to understand how we fuck it up so much,” Watson says) but even then, digressions are common. Are birds really animals? Does God have a surname? Is it still a fork’s job to put food in your mouth if it doesn’t get paid for it?
These vaguely philosophical tangents, the recurring catchphrases and characters (when you think about it Penelope Pitstop and Moses crop up on an almost weekly basis), and an almost telepathic chemistry between three of Britain's best stand-up comedians, make No More Jockeys a joyful spectator sport. For those picking apart each game in YouTube’s comments section, tuning in to see the trio lock into each other’s mental grooves, and get tied in knots of logic as they try to dodge their opponents’ challenges, has been a highlight of a trying year.
At its core, No More Jockeys is a Sunday afternoon, three-pints-and-a-packet-of-crisps pub game, in a world where something so mundane currently feels like an impossible luxury – and with three players who are far funnier than anyone in your WhatsApp group will ever be.
When did you first start playing the game?
Mark Watson: It was late 2002, so almost 19 years ago now.
Tim Key: Me and Mark were writing a show and I asked him how many famous people he could name. He said: "I dunno, probably about 500, maybe 1,000." I said I could probably do 5,000. And he said: "Go on then."
MW: Yeah, we were a bit drunk to be fair. It was just going through old football teams and cricket teams.
TK: Eventually Mark said: "OK, no more footballers."
MW: At some point Key passed the baton back to me and that was the germ of it.
Alex Horne: I didn't know that story. Did you get the 5,000?
MW: No, I think we realised there was the potential for an even more entertaining game than just naming 5,000 people.
Have the rules always been the same?
TK: They got codified for this incarnation, but there’s one that no one really knows: the first turn always has to be a woman.
MW: We don't do that anymore.
TK: Yeah, we do.
MW: I've never thought about it because it's always you that goes first. Are you still doing that?
TK: Every time.
AH: I've been waiting to challenge on it not being a woman.
MW: That shows you how lax we are about it. There's only three rules and one of the players didn't know one of them.
Why did you decide to call it No More Jockeys?
AH: There was a previous incarnation in 2009 called No More Women.
MW: We had a show called We Need Answers on BBC 4, and we did a few of these as a spin-off.
TK: It’s bad etiquette in the game to get rid of men or women. That was like going nuclear. It got called No More Women because of that, but I think if you're bringing a game back in 2020 and you've got the chance to get rid of that name you probably just do.
AH: Yeah, but we are waiting for the backlash from the jockey community and then we'll change it again.
Did you consider any other names?
MW: We tried loads.
TK: I remember I was gunning quite hard for No More Baldies.
AH: That felt like it might be wrong as well.
TK: Yeah, after a while everything suddenly sounds quite pointed.
MW: We had a go at No More Giants. No More Serial Killers we had a look at.
TK: No More Beefcakes.
MW: There were a couple like No More Weirdos, which if you actually played them in a game would require clarification, so they were no good either.
AH: Jockeys is just quite a nice word to say without the 'No More'. We're playing a game of Jockeys.
Are you surprised by how popular it’s been?
AH: YouTube is so weird in terms of what catches on and what doesn't, so I think anything is a surprise really because we're not the target demographic for YouTubers. My brother works for YouTube and he always says people off the telly never do well on it. YouTube fans like YouTubers and there's not much crossover, so I think they like it for the game rather than for us.
MW: We've also cleverly not been too successful on TV, so the YouTube people aren't suspicious of us. Me and Key are doing that on purpose.
It’s quite a boozy game.
AH: I think it's a bit like snooker or pool in that there's an optimum level of drinking. After three or four cans you can really play a good game.
MW: There’s certainly a sweet spot because you know when you've gone over it. In the first set there was a dark night where I went out on my own first category and Key was out within maybe three turns. We then arranged the first of the Friday morning games because we were both so ashamed of our performances and we played much better. Actually, Tim didn't. I think that was the Daffy Duck, no more beaks thing.
TK: Firstly, it was Donald Duck and I said: "No more people who've been to prison," which Horne challenged.
AH: He has been to prison.
TK: No, he hasn't been to prison.
AH: I saw a picture of him in prison. People have it on t-shirts.
TK: Yeah, that's in his mind.
AH: How come I saw a picture of it then?
MW: Some of our worst conversations have been about whether cartoon characters can be said to have ever actually done anything. That's difficult enough as it is, but then when it turns out it was a dream. We didn't know this until weeks later when the episode went out.
TK: He hasn't been to prison, has he? He's dreamt that he's been to prison.
AH: Yeah, and he went to prison in that dream.
MW: The great thing about the internet is someone will always know. If there's been an unfair result we'll soon hear about it.
Tim, you’re prone to playing Penelope Pitstop. What’s the story there?
TK: I don't know what it is. She's got a fun name. I guess she's sort of innocuous. She's not that famous, I don't think.
MW: She is now.
AH: She came up in a game last week, somebody had to look her Wikipedia up and we now feature on her page.
MW: There are many, many billion potential moves, but the number of total people ever played is probably only about 150. You always get Moses or Noah, you often get Kevin Na these days, and you'll get Pitstop one in two games. It's come full circle in terms of us and Pitstop.
Do you get people asking if they can join in?
AH: Yeah, quite often and we're not sure what to do about that. Three is the magic number, I think.
MW: Yeah, it would become cumbersome. You'd have to sub one of us out for a special guest.
AH: If I die, do get someone in.
Who would pick? Perhaps you could put it in your will?
AH: That's not a bad idea.
MW: Yeah, Alex needs to appoint his successor before he dies because it's too big a decision for me and Key to make.
AH: I might saddle you with a nightmare.
MW: It'd be in your will so there'd be very little we could do about it.
What are the people below the line like?
TK: From what I can work out it's a very nice community. When people say they've been playing the game and ask for clarification or adjudication, that's quite a nice moment.
MW: There's an amazing spin-off on YouTube that Tim found. All the people that they name are robots that have been on Robot Wars. I was absolutely flabbergasted when he showed me. Someone tweeted me to say they'd done a footballers-only one, and someone else told me recently that they have a version of it that includes things and concepts, so you can play 'gravity' or 'teeth'.
TK: They're both better names than No More Jockeys.
How long do you think you’ll keep playing for?
AH: I don't think it's a pandemic game. I think it'll outlast the pandemic.
MW: It's a really nice thing to have in your life, it's not purely about the creative side of it.
AH: You know that film Tag with Ed Helms? It's about these American friends who have this ongoing game of Tag. The movie's not brilliant but it's a really nice true story. They played since they were kids and carried on till they were grown-ups. I do like the idea that we'll carry this on into our sixties.
MW: Yeah, I hope so.
No More Jockeys is available to watch now on YouTube
Like this article? Sign up to our newsletter to get more articles like this delivered straight to your inbox
