Science Proves You Can't Hold Your Baby Too Much

When a baby cries, it's natural to want to pick them up and offer comfort. In fact, humans are hardwired to provide nearly constant care for their newborns. Even still, new parents often wonder if you can hold a baby too much. Sometimes, they are even advised by well-intentioned "experts" that it's better not to carry a baby so much. Conflicting advice and instincts can be confusing for parents who want to know what's really best for their baby.

But there's good news for all of us with that one friend or family member (or even a doctor) who scolds us or has other negative opinions on "spoiling" our babies by holding them too often. According to science, you can't cuddle your newborn too much.

Instead, touch is crucial to a baby's development and actually has some pretty major benefits when it comes to brain development. Research on mammal development has demonstrated that primate babies would prefer physical closeness over trying to find food. Ultimately, science shows that, for babies, touch is literally life-saving. Learn more about why you can't hold a baby too much.

What Science Says About Holding Your Baby

Experts at the American Academy of Pediatrics recommend holding your baby close to promote bonding and a sense of security for your baby. Substantial research proves the importance of touch in human development. For example, a 2020 study found that infant-caregiver physical closeness activates oxytocin as well as certain nerve fiber pathways.

Other similar studies on the impact of closeness between caregiver and infant have found that touch helps to develop communication, enhances the caregiver's ability to respond to their baby, and fosters bonding, secure attachments, and neurodevelopment.

In a 2017 study, researchers at Nationwide Children's Hospital in Ohio observed 125 premature and full-term infants to see how they responded to gentle touch, like the kind they would get cuddling with a parent compared with how they reacted to touch from things that are not as gentle, like having a medical procedure done or getting an IV put in.

The study revealed that infants who were touched gently showed more brain response than the infants who received touch stimuli in "bad" ways. In other words, the type of touch matters to babies. More importantly, infants who receive plenty of cuddling and loving touches will have brains that develop more effectively than babies who do not.

What This Means for Parents

Basically, the research boils down to this: Stay physically close to your babies, especially premature babies and newborns. Wear them, cuddle with them, or do skin-to-skin with them. Interestingly, premature babies who had an increased amount of gentle touch from their parents and/or NICU caregivers actually responded more strongly to gentle touch than premature babies who weren't touched or held as often.

According to the lead researcher in the 2017 study, Dr. Nathalie Maitre, this result is proof that gentle, supportive touch can actually help brain development.

"Making sure that preterm babies receive positive, supportive touch such as skin-to-skin care by parents is essential to help their brains respond to gentle touch in ways similar to those of babies who experienced an entire pregnancy inside their mother's womb," explained Dr. Maitre. "When parents cannot do this, hospitals may want to consider occupational and physical therapists to provide a carefully planned touch experience, sometimes missing from a hospital setting."

Touch is so crucial for parents that Dr. Maitre and her colleagues are working to design new ways to provide positive touch in the NICU. In the meantime, go ahead and cradle your baby to your heart's content. Because your touch matters, no matter what anyone else has to say about it.

When to Hold Your Baby

The short answer to when (and how much) to pick up your baby is a lot. Essentially, hold your baby as often as you can, want to, and/or think is needed. Trust your instincts—and your newborn. Your baby communicates their needs through crying. So, when they cry, they are alerting you that they need something, such as a diaper change, food, comfort, sleep, warmth, quiet, or a change of scenery.

Holding them lets you hone in on what your baby needs, while also providing comfort and a sense of security for your little love. Being in your arms builds attachment and bonding as well. Plus, if you use a child carrier, you can wear your baby. This convenient option lets your baby feel close while also keeping your hands free, making it easier to do other things like go on a walk, run errands, or eat a sandwich, all the while holding your baby.

But remember, it's also fine (and important for your own well-being) to set your baby down in a safe place, like their crib or in the arms of another caregiver, when you need a break or need to do something else (like go to the bathroom, get a snack, or take a quick shower). This holds true even if your baby cries. Just return to your baby as soon as you can to offer your soothing touch.

Additionally, remember not to hold your baby if you're groggy or planning to go to bed yourself. Safe sleep protocols recommend putting your baby to sleep on their backs in their own crib rather than holding them while you both sleep. Placing them in their own space for sleep reduces the risk of accidental suffocation and sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS).

Other Ways to Comfort Your Baby

Holding your baby is like gold when it comes to offering comfort and care for your baby. However, sometimes, even after all the basic needs of food, diapering, burping, and sleep have been addressed, your baby may still cry in your arms.

Don't worry. That's totally normal, too. Here are some other soothing techniques to try if simply holding your baby isn't doing the trick.

• Check that nothing is poking, pinching, or irritating them, such as something rough on their clothing or diaper.
• Do a deep breathing exercise or meditate—calming yourself can help calm your baby, too.
• Drive them around the block in their car seat.
• Gently sway, rock, or dance with your baby in your arms.
• Give them a bath or shower.
• Go outside. Being in fresh air often helps.
• Play a rhythmic noise like from a fan, vacuum, washing machine, or white noise machine.
• Shift their body position, either in your arms or in their crib.
• Sing or talk to them.
• Smile at your baby.
• Softly stroke their face, chest, head, or back.
• Swaddle them.
• Take them on a walk either in your arms, a carrier, or a stroller.
• Turn on soft, relaxing music or upbeat and fun tunes (or any other beats you choose).
• Try a change of scenery by walking into another room or space.

If your baby is still agitated, recheck that all their physical needs are still taken care of. If all else fails, remember that sometimes babies just cry, no matter what you do—or how much you hold them. Certainly, contact their pediatrician if you are concerned or think your baby could be in distress. However, most often, they just need to get their tears out and they will quiet down with time.

Ultimately, as long as you know that all their basic needs have been met, simply holding your baby, even if they're still fussy, lets them know you're there. Most importantly, give yourself grace and know that your baby's tears are not your fault or any reflection of your parenting. Caring for them and holding them is enough.