Meeting your person's friends seems like a big deal doesn't it? Unless you already know them and they're mutuals, being introduced to them is kinda scary but also shows a certain level of commitment. It's like, they like you enough for you to get to know they people they love - and that's an important step in any relationship. But what happens when you've been together for an entire year and they still haven't let you meet their mates? IDK about anyone else, but alarm bells would be ringing LOUD if it was me.
One 24-year-old woman has taken to Reddit with this exact dilemma, in the hope of seeking advice from fellow users. Moonbaby2022 explained her 22-year-old boyfriend has introduced her to his family and they've all been on hols together. She's even spent the festive season with them before, and he's been to her family home for Christmas.
So far so normal, right? But then she goes on to explain that despite being together for nearly 12 months, she has never met any of his friends. She says, "I know he’s not a loner and he hangs out with his friends often. When he has a day off, he’s either with me or them. They do exist and he’s not making them up. But he has never invited me to hang out with them."
Well, why the hell not? Like a legit adult, she has raised the issue with him. "I told him that I understand that sometimes guys need a guys-only night out. I don’t expect to be invited to those. But if he’s going to a co-ed event, then I would like to be invited sometimes. He said he will 'try' to do it." But after an opportunity came up where he could have invited her along, he didn't.
So they have one mutual pal who she used to go to college with. This person was having a house party and had text her on the day of the party to ask if they were both coming. It turns out, her boyfriend had been invited five days earlier but hadn't mentioned it. Fishy, huh?
"He gave me a ton of excuses, ranging from 'it’s rude to invite other people to someone else’s party' to 'I was going to get around to it but our friend got to you before I did. I wasn’t even sure if I was going to go.'" Naturally, she was concerned and felt this spoke buckets about the status of their relationship.
So shortly after this happened, she used him being drunk one night as an opportunity to ask him how he really felt and if he had any doubts about their relationship. And here's what happened:
"He said yes; he never thought he’d be part of an 'odd couple' but now he is. He thinks we look weird together, we’re mismatched, and he notices that people give us looks when we’re holding hands in public." Next she asked him if he's glad his friends have never met her. "He said yes because he thinks they wouldn’t like me," she adds.
"I suspect he was comfortable introducing me to his family because he knows they are nonjudgmental and supportive, but he’s afraid of what his friends will think of me.
I would say my boyfriend and I are on the same level of attractiveness, which would be a six to seven on a scale of 10. I’m certainly not beautiful, but I’m not ugly. I’m quite plain-faced and forgettable. However, he grew up in different social circles and he’s used to being around girls who spend a lot of time on makeup, hair, and clothes. His high school sweetheart was like this. My girlfriends and I tend to be tomboyish and interested in camping, hiking, tech, and so on." Anyone else's heart breaking RN?
She goes on to say, "He’s a very visual person and I can tell that looking good next to his girlfriend matters a lot to him. How much of a future can I expect with someone who’s ashamed to introduce me to his friends because I’m not physically attractive enough?"
If you've got this far and not thought: what an absolute wasteman then why on earth not? Of course, other users came in to bat for this woman (who is clearly a very awesome human being) and most of them are advising to get rid sharpish/"fuck this guy!". Over to the users of Reddit for their words of wisdom on the matter:
"You deserve to be with someone that thinks you are beautiful and show you off, not hide you away." [via]
"Breaking up is the only option here. He's ashamed of you and knowing that will eat away at your confidence if you stay together. " [via]
"Half of me wants to give you a hug and the other half wants to give you a reality check. I want you to carefully read your post and realise how sad and messed up this situation is. Your boyfriend may be handsome on the outside but there's something rotten within him. This is seriously shallow. Please leave this man. There is someone out there that will look at you and see your beauty." [via]
"Trade this shit head in for a new model. Preferably one who respects you. Please don't consider being with someone who sees you as a goddamn ornament." [via]
Unfortunately, the woman hasn't posted an update. But in between other users' words of support, she seemed to be leaning towards breaking up with this chump. She wrote, "I guess the only answer is he has to go" and "thank you, I needed to hear this."
Let this woman's story act as a reminder to us all, if the person you're with isn't falling over themselves to introduce them to their pals, bin 'em ASAP. That's some narcissistic shit right there.
