Cage of Thrones: Nicolas Cage As Every Game Of Thrones Character Because… The Internet

He’s dead! He’s not dead! Quite frankly, when Jon Snow‘s got a cheesy grin like this, who cares whether he’s dead or not?

Imagine Nicolas Cage trying to put his dark and brooding spin on Hodor. There’s only so much you can do with a character only capable of saying his own name. But hey, it’s Nicolas Cage, he’d make it work.

If the only thing you take from this image of Cage as Brienne of Tarth is how much he needs to peroxide his hair, then we’ll consider our job well and truly done.

The tash! Look at the tash! Who knew ol’ Nick could somehow even make a medieval brothel kingpin (Littlefinger) look like a ’70s ranch hand. Is there nothing this man can’t do?

There’s quiet despair behind that toothy grin, as Cage contemplates having his knackers lopped off to play Varys ‘The Spider’.

Charles Dance (Tywin Lannister) might rock the frantically receding look better than anyone, but Cage definitely shouldn’t be worried about getting older. He wears bald better than most.

This is quite possibly the only time we’ve glimpsed Joffrey Lannister‘s smug mug and not wanted to stamp all over it.

How would burning his own daughter alive have sat with the Wild At Heart actor? Well, judging by the cold, blank stare he’s flaunting here, very comfortably indeed. He’d make a great Stannis Baratheon.

Nick’s Rob Stark is nothing if not testament to his ability to make any hairstyle look fantastic. No matter how flouncy. Oh, and he can grow a mean beard too.

Wow. Arya Stark-Cage is one angry orphan. Also, what’s wrong with her ear? Looks nasty.

If anybody can nail Cersei Lannister‘s trademark look of haughty derision, it’s Nicolas Cage. Look at those eyebrows go!

Oh Sansa Stark, will life ever get better for you? It’s just one awful event after another isn’t it? The northern princess might have fared better had Cage snagged the role though. I mean, who could possibly be mean to that puppy-dog face?

Cheer up Nick, as Daenerys Targaryen you get to ride dragons, incinerate your enemies and command an entire slave army. What’s there to look sad about? Oh, wait…

Crikey, this one almost made us fall off our Iron Throne. Ser Jorah Mormont is one role we’re quite glad Cage missed out on…

Queen Margaery might not be doing too well in the series currently, but things could have been even worse. We’re guessing King Tommen might not have been so keen on tying the knot had she popped up with quite so stubbly a beard on wedding morning. Just a hunch.

Hey Tyrion Lannister, Marc Bolan called. He wants his wig back.

Ah, here we go. It’s Ned Stark, aka The Hand of the King, aka The Big Kahuna. So who wants to tell Cagey he doesn’t make it out of season one? Anyone?