I am a 27-year-old virgin and have never had a relationship. This causes me a lot of shame and regret. I had a difficult childhood and have been diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder, social phobia, depression and generalised anxiety. I am finally on medication and am finding socialising less difficult, but I feel so inadequate. I am seriously considering seeing an escort just so I can get it over with.
The fact that you have expressed a desire to have a sexual connection with another person is a very good sign that you may be ready to do so. But while your idea of seeking an “escort” might help with the mechanics of sex, it may be detrimental in other ways. Your real task is not to achieve basic sexual coupling, but to learn how to comfortably navigate dating and courtship, and to develop relationship skills. Rather than forming a pattern of financially based sexual contact, it would be far better if you could begin to seek friendships that have the potential to develop into long-term, loving relationships.
You do not have to worry so much about being a virgin – a person who falls in love with you and has true empathy for the struggles you have faced will not care about your lack of experience. You need to look for someone with whom you can share feelings, have fun and even laugh at yourself – fantastic, satisfying sex will usually develop from such a foundation.
Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a psychotherapist who specialises in treating sexual disorders.
Comments (…)
Sign in or create your Guardian account to join the discussion