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A scene in Alaska from the film, In Pursuit of Silence.
A scene in Alaska from the film, In Pursuit of Silence. Photograph: PR Company Handout
A scene in Alaska from the film, In Pursuit of Silence. Photograph: PR Company Handout

Ssshhh! How the cult of quiet can change your life

This article is more than 7 years old
Silent retreats, silent ​restaurants and even silent dating events are​ on the rise. Now a new film aims to – quietly – spread the word

Once the preserve of monastic retreats and hardcore meditators, simply being quiet is growing in appeal. Whole businesses have sprung up to meet a rising demand for quiet time, from silent weekend getaways to silent dining, silent reading parties and even silent dating. This month sees the release of documentary In Pursuit of Silence, a “meditative film” about our relationship with noise, promoted with a delicate two-minute trailer in which not a word is uttered.

Silence can, as the film attests, mean different things to different people. It can be a space for quiet reflection or a state fraught with discomfort. There is a certain intimacy inherent in being silent with other people – we usually do so only with those closest to us. So there is something almost radical about the recent trend for enjoying silence with strangers.

Mariel Symeonidou started a regular silent reading party in Dundee just under a year ago, in a moment of “uncharacteristic extroversion”. Readers bring their books and meet in a bar, where they read together in silence for an hour or sometimes two, then put the books away to chat and have a drink.

Meditating in Australia. Photograph: Fairfax Media/Fairfax Media via Getty Images

The concept began in the dimly lit, retro-furnished cafes and bars of Seattle. Devised as a literary hangout for those who don’t like spoken-word nights or discussion groups, the premise was simple: show up, shut up and read. The trend has spread to New York and since found a home in the UK, in London and Edinburgh as well as Dundee.

“When the reading starts, everything goes quiet,” says Symeonidou. “It’s a little bit surreal, especially in what is usually a bustling bar. However, there is something special about sharing that silence with others. It offers an opportunity for escapism; everyone is so busy with work and with technology being ever present. An event like this gives people the opportunity to escape these things for a while.”

While the readings are now tranquil and relaxed, Mariel concedes initial iterations were a little awkward. This discomfort is precisely where the radical power of silence lies, says Matthew Adams, a lecturer in psychology at the University of Brighton. “Silence is often something we experience as uncomfortable, as a rupture in the social fabric, an awkwardness we want to cover over with our voices.”

Adams has a long-term interest in the social, cultural and psychological significance of silence, and particularly in shared silence and electing to share silence. “Collective silence is about connecting with others in a way that gets underneath social conventions. It confronts us with what it feels like to be in the physical presence of other human beings without any games, strategies, reading or misreading of intentions. It is a temporary suspension of our reliance on talk.”

The absence of chatter can have social advantages. London’s silent speed-dating event organisers Shhh! say that we are “instinctively better at communicating and choosing the right partners when we have the chance to put aside words and see each other as we really are”.

Shhh! hosts regular speed-dating sessions and singles events, featuring “non-verbal flirting games” and “eye-gazing”; neatly side-stepping all the what-are-you-watching-on-Netflix questions. Claimed to be a favourite with “creative professionals in their 20s and 30s”, Shhh! boasts a busy programme of events until the end of the year. The sessions begin with games to break the ice, including jumping around in front of a potential mate and making “paleolithic noises”. Then comes a somewhat standard speed-dating set-up; attendees are paired off for a limited window of time, communicating only with gestures, before engaging in 60 seconds of uninterrupted eye contact. After the event you are dutifully furnished with the contact details of interested parties and if you’re lucky enough to land a second date, you can maintain the established embargo on chit-chat, whisking them off for a silent dinner date or a mute trip to the pictures.

Honi Ryan is an artist based in Berlin who began hosting silent dinners back in 2006. An otherwise ordinary dinner party setup, albeit with a ritzy vegan menu (regular dishes include baked almond soy mushrooms and Lebanese beans), the rules of the dinner are: no talking, no using your voice, no reading or writing, try to make as little noise as possible, do not interact with technology, and stay for at least two hours.

Ryan describes the silent dinners as “social sculptures” engaging with “the changing nature of communication and the space between people”. So far she has taken her silent dining project to Mexico, the US, Australia, Lebanon and China. The global reach is fundamental to the project, as is the inclusive and international menu. “It’s evident that the age-old connections we make over food do not depend on the words around it. “Silence creates the space for the people and places involved to fill with whatever is needed; it strips away our rehearsed social behaviours.”

In Pursuit of Silence … the art of finding stillness within yourself. Photograph: PR Company Handout

Perhaps the most well-known silent social is the silent retreat. Recently featured in an episode of BBC comedy Fleabag, silent retreats vary in tone and purpose, and are more popular than you might imagine. The retreats often have a religious or spiritual element, with Buddhist, Christian and Catholic retreats making up the majority. They can last anywhere between a couple of days to a few weeks, set in locations that are usually fittingly pastoral, in old farm buildings or country piles.

Silent retreat regular Peter Cadney first discovered the power of silence on a 10-day vipassana silent meditation course, in 2013. The technique emphasises developing a connection with silence and accessing the “stillness” within yourself.

“There had been a number of events in my life that I hadn’t been able to deal with very well; things like relationship breakups and the death of a close friend. I’d spent years working at a computer and was feeling the effects of muscle tension, anxiety and stress. I felt drawn to finding somewhere quiet to sit in order to find peace within myself.”

Cadney says silent meditation has helped to improve both his mental and physical health. “When I first sat down in silence, it felt very peaceful. I started noticing just how many thoughts were coming and going in my mind, it was as if there had been no space for silence.”

Cadney has since given up his office job and now works as a holistic therapist. “As soon as I sat down in that meditation hall I thought: this is where I am supposed to be.”

Swiss Artist Salome Voegelin also found a purpose in silence. However, rather than finding silence soothing or nulling somehow, it instead opened her mind to the “radical possibility of hearing”. She describes silence, not as the absence of sound, but as the beginning of listening, though she has some reservations about the “egotistical tendencies” of the current trend for silent getaways.

“While these events are contemplative and respectful, I wonder how much of the silent listening is spent obsessing about one’s own silence rather than hearing others and the environment,” she says.

Voeglin’s book, Listening to Noise and Silence: Towards a Philosophy of Sound Art posits silence and noise not as opposites but as different ends of the same spectrum. “There is no true silence. It’s a state that allows me to hear my breathing in tandem with yours, the rumbling of my stomach, the gurgling of the radiator. It provides a time out. It’s when we start to listen to each other.”

Silence assumes a new meaning in an era in which we are consuming information and engaging in conversation with each other endlessly, without ever opening our mouths. While we may watch The Pursuit of Silence and enjoy the absence of sound, how many of us will be tempted to check in with our emails, tweet our thoughts on the film? While we might find pleasure in those rare and cherished moments of peace and quiet, when it comes to silence and stillness, can we muster up the self-restraint at all?

In Pursuit of Silence is on release now.

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