John Shearer/Invision/APNeil Patrick Harris is on his way to a hosting EGOT, but first he has to get through the 2015 Oscars. And there is nothing the masses love more than a rich, attractive celebrity poking fun at more rich, attractive celebrities, so NPH really started the night off right with a jab at the lack of diversity among the nominees. Actually, that joke was the highlight of the evening, in our opinion. Did anyone else feel like we started on a high note and then kind of went downhill a bit?
We're not sure if it was all the corny puns (that personally we found hilarious) or the vibe of the room, but a lot of NPH's bits and jokes kind of fell flat.
So, is it because Tina Fey and Amy Poehler have ruined every award show host in the future or do we think all Neil's hosting gigs have slowly given us NPH fatigue? We didn't even know there was such a thing!
19. Since he didn't have an opening monologue but an awesome opening musical number, here are all the jokes NPH dropped over the course of the Oscars broadcast:
18. "Some of the movie titles this year confused me. Like How to Train Your Dragon 2. That title basically admits that the first film did an insufficient job of helping people train their dragons. Just saying."
17. Before the Best Animated Feature winner was announced: "If you're at an Oscar party with the people from The Lego Movie, now might be the best time to distract them."
16. Introducing Reese Witherspoon: "This Oscar presenter is so lovely you could eat her up with her spoon."
15. "Here's a fun fact. This year the nominated actors will receive gift bags containing $160,000 worth of merchandise including two vacations, makeup, clothes, shoes and an armored car ride to safety when the revolution comes."
14. "The next presenter is not only the star of the record breaker for biggest February premiere, Fifty Shades of Grey, she's also the reason why you had to explain to your grandmother what a spanking bench is. Please welcome, Dakota Johnson!"
13. "She's a phenomenal actress and he's easily the most well-adjusted former child star in the room. Please welcome Kerry Washington and Jason Bateman. "
12. "[The Best Picture nominees] have grossed over $600 million. American Sniper alone is responsible for $300 million of that…To put that in perspective, on this side of the theater is the seven other nominees. And American Sniper is Oprah. [Looks at Oprah] 'Cause you're rich."
11. "Welcome back to the Oscars or as I like to call them, "The Dependent Spirit Awards!"
10. As he stands onstage in nothing but his underwear: "Acting is a noble profession."
9. After JK Simmons won his Oscar: [sang in the tune of the Farmers Insurance song] "He-won-an Oscar…bum bum badum bum bum."
8. "American Sniper has Bradley Cooper as the most prolific sniper in history, with over 160 confirmed kills. Or as Harvey Weinstein calls it, a slow morning. You have to do one [Harvey joke]! It's required. It's required!"
7. "Tonight on this stage we have come together to celebrate and hopefully fall in love with moving pictures all over again. OK, maybe not Smurfs 2. The script read funny."
6. Introducing Channing Tatum: "And now, an actor who is as appealing playing a male stripper as he is playing a wrestler in a onesie. He's the real deal, pants down. Hands down! Did I say pants? I meant pants."
5. "We worked together last year in Gone Girl, originally titled Bitches Be Trippin', Yo."
4. "[John] Travolta will be back again next year to apologize for all the face touching."
3. Introducing Idris Elba and Jessica Chastain: "In Mandela: Long Walk to Freedom, he liberated South Africa. In Zero Dark Thirty she brought down Bin Laden. In A Million Ways to Die in the West, I pooped in a hat."
2. "Benedict Cumberbatch. It's not only the most awesome name in show business, it's also the sound you get when you ask John Travolta to announced 'Ben Affleck.'"
1. "Tonight we honor Hollywood's best and whitest ... I mean brightest"