Kanye West Shouldn’t Be Worried About Amber Rose’s Tweet
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Kanye West Shouldn’t Be Worried About Amber Rose’s Tweet
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Kanye West Shouldn’t Be Worried About Amber Rose’s Tweet

Dear Kanye, It’s OK If You Like Butt Fingering

Dear Kanye,

Yesterday someone dared to distract you from your creative process. That person was rapper and mere mortal Wiz Khalifa, who took to Twitter to question the legitimacy of your forthcoming album's new title, Waves. 

So obviously you had to fire shots back. But your aim must have been a bit off because for some reason you managed to drag Wiz’s baby mama – and your ex – Amber Rose into the beef. Which you didn’t want to do.

Of course, this was too much for everyone on the internet to handle, so they reacted in the only way they knew how:

But Kanye, we want to let you know that it's totally OK if you like a finger (or two, or three, or four, or... hey, everyone has their own preference) up the butt. In fact, it's more than OK. Here at AskMen we've long known about the mystic art of #FingersInTheBootyAssBitch, and in defence of that we need to impart a very important piece of wisdom. Which is this: Men Can Orgasm From Their Bums.

Why would you take that bit of information and not do anything about it? (We're talking about guys generally here Kanye, we suspect you don't need telling.) It would be like us telling you that you can cum from putting your finger in your ear, and you never putting your finger in your ear to try and experience that. Why would you deprive yourself of that simple, humble pleasure? Of course, we get that when it comes to butt fingering you have to factor poo into everything but, in an age when the smiling turd is everyone's favourite emoji, we reckon people can get over that. 

The second and also very important piece of wisdom is: Bum Orgasms Are Better Than Dick Orgasms. This is because the bum is where the male g-spot is located and, when stimulated, it can lead to some of the most intense orgasms OF ALL TIME. Yes, that's right: Think of dick orgasms as like Taylor Swift at the 2009 VMA's. MTV have just handed dick orgasms the 'Best Orgasm Award' but you, Kanye, know that's not right. So you need to jump up on that stage and let the world know that bum orgasms (which we're comparing to Beyonce in this admittedly absurd analogy) are the best orgasms of all time. OF. ALL. TIME. 

So armed with these two wise proverbs ("Men Can Orgasm From Their Bums" and "Bum Orgasms Are Better Than Dick Orgasms", lest anyone forget), why do so many guys seem averse to a bit of bum fingering? The reaction that the internet had to Amber Rose's outing of your own bedroom preferences seems to answer just this: it's taboo. Speaking more broadly, when heterosexual men engage in any act that may typically be associated with homosexual men, it is still sadly seen as emasculating.

But Kanye, you're not just any man. You made My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy. You bought us the Yeezy Boost. And you know that when a man takes a finger up the bum, he's doing it because it feels good.

Yeezy taught them.