Things You Can Do To Turn Your Life Around

Even the best of us give into despair. If there’s one take-home lesson, however, it’s that despair is temporary. An ancient Sufi poet is credited with popularizing an adage worth remembering: “This too shall pass.” No matter how bad things are, there’s always a brighter future to look forward to, and recognizing that will allow you to endure any hardship.

Doesn’t matter how much money you’re making or how bleak your financial picture might be; go down to the bank tomorrow and open up a savings account. If you can only put in a couple of dollars a month, so be it. Just make a commitment to contribute what you can and let that money sit there. Trust us: you’ll be thankful you did 20 years down the line.

Just as some people stay in jobs they hate, others find themselves committing to someone who makes them miserable. Maybe you’re afraid to be alone, or maybe you’ve just accepted the status quo. Either way, life is too short to spend with people who make you unhappy, and if that goes for friends, family and co-workers, it most definitely goes for significant others as well.

Doesn’t much matter where you go, or for how long. What’s important is that you leave your bubble and experience life somewhere else. That might mean leaving the country or just getting out of the city. It might mean taking a two-week vacation or a three-month long journey. It might even mean never coming back. But if you’re stuck in a slump, there’s no better way to activate your survival instincts than simply leaving.

We love to game as much as the next guy, but there comes a point when a fun and diverting hobby turns into an addiction, something you do less because you want to have fun for an hour or two and more because it turns into your only source of self-esteem, a distraction from your social phobias and a way to hide from yourself. Put down the controller (or put away the keyboard) and find something else to do on a Friday night, preferably something that involves other people you can see, touch and smell.

Get in the habit of doing one positive thing every day of your life. It doesn’t have to be anything monumental; just make sure it’s something that brings you closer to a goal. If you’re trying to lose weight and can’t bring yourself to join a gym, go for a walk. Every day. If you’re trying to make new friends, start a casual conversation with a stranger -- even if that just means asking for directions

Sometimes our problems are bigger than we can reasonably expect to tackle on our own. If that’s the case, it’s time to do something all men struggle with: Reach out to a friend or loved one, someone you trust, and tell them you’re hurting. Maybe they can offer some help or guidance, or maybe they can’t, but you’ll find that the very act of communicating your troubles will feel cathartic and make them somehow seem more manageable.

The terrible thing about self-pity is that it hijacks our self-esteem. We start to identify with our problems instead of working to overcome them. Put a stop to that right now. You’re not the only unhappy person in the world, and no matter how bad things are, you have things you can be thankful for, if you so choose. It’s cliché, and annoying to hear, but happiness really is a choice.

It happens to all of us at one time or another. Maybe you’re stuck in a slump, or maybe something terrible has happened and you’ve fallen into a hole you can’t seem to get out of. Them’s the breaks, and adversity is part of life. The trick is not to let these setbacks slow you down. To help you in your recovery, we’ve compiled a list of 50 things you can do -- 50 specific actions you can take -- to help turn your life around.

This is one of the most painful and difficult things you can do, but it might also be the most necessary. “Bad friends” aren’t just those who hurt you or abuse your trust; they might be people who just bring you down, who don’t improve your life or have a negative influence on you. Your friend in his late 20s who still pressures you to go out on weekdays? The pessimist in your life constantly seeing things in the worst possible light? Nix them.

Like gaming, social media can be a big time sink. Sure, it has its positives -- you can keep in touch with friends, chat up the cute girl from work or snoop on an ex every now and then -- but it also inevitably forces you to compare yourself to others, and that can be especially dangerous if you’re in a slump. It also doesn’t help that people heavily curate their online lives, so much so that, when you click on a friend’s album or read their status updates, they’re probably only broadcasting the best and most exciting things about their lives. Take a step back and focus on yourself -- social media isn’t going anywhere.

“Bro, do you even lift?” OK, so there’s plenty to mock about gym culture and the “bros” who champion it, but they’re right on the main point: Lifting heavy weights is a great way to improve yourself, not only physically but spiritually as well. Improve your body composition, stoke your metabolism, fix lingering postural or muscular imbalances -- the secondary benefits are legion. What are you waiting for?

It’s never too late to learn something new, particularly if you can parlay your new skill into a better career or promotion. Learn a programming language, or how to use a new software. Take night classes in economics or accounting or investing. The possibilities are endless, and if you follow some of these steps, you’ll have more than enough free time to dedicate to learning new things.

That’s right. Sometimes the best thing you can do for yourself also happens to be the hardest. Buy a decent pair of running shoes and hit the ground running. Doesn’t matter how far you run, or for how long, or how fast. Just make sure you push yourself and that you do it often and regularly. This doesn’t just apply to the unfit and the overweight. Running will improve your cardiovascular health and help you drop body fat, but those benefits are secondary to what it really improves: your willpower. Running will force you to face your limits and, if you stick with it, surpass them -- and that is its true benefit.

The most painful thing is to recognize ourselves as the cause of our own suffering and disappointment. I’m sure you can point to outside circumstances, events beyond your control, that you think are responsible for where you are in life, and no doubt you’d be right, but it would be no less true to say that you were in the driver’s seat as well, that you, at some time, had a choice in the matter. Accept responsibility for where you are and you’ll be able to take responsibility for where you want to be.

Too often, we become accustomed to a social routine: we do the same things, in the same places, with the same people. And even for those of us who are happy with their friends, routines need to be broken every once in a while, if only for the sake of variety. Hit up a different bar or club or restaurant. Call up a friend you haven’t spoken to in months or years and arrange a night out. It’s an amazing fact of modern life that, even with the world at our fingertips, we often choose isolation over companionship.

When life really starts to feel overwhelming, when the prospect of picking yourself up seems unbearably difficult, it might be time to seek professional help. Even something as simple as talking about your problems can be wonderfully therapeutic, and a professional therapist’s job is to provide the kind of safe space you need to feel comfortable doing so. They can also give you advice and, most importantly, perspective.

So things aren’t going well, and probably won’t for a while? Take a moment to envision how you would act if things were going well, if all the barriers to your happiness and fulfillment were somehow instantly removed. What would you do? What would your morning routine be? Or your demeanor? How would you dress? Very often, if you start to adopt the mannerisms of a happy, successful person, your mind and spirit will follow suit.

The key to self-improvement is to make small, concrete changes that gradually accumulate. If you begin a month or year by saying that you’re going to lose weight, quit smoking, watch less television and find a girlfriend, you’re going to quickly find yourself overwhelmed, and that is a recipe for recidivism and self-loathing. Instead, start small. Focus on one goal at a time and take heart in the fact that you’re progressing, however gradually.

We live in a culture of instant gratification, and that has permeated our thinking so completely that we have even altered our expectations about our moral and spiritual progress. No lasting change happens over night, and if those are your expectations, you’re bound to be disappointed. Accept that you’re running a marathon rather than a sprint and do your best to enjoy the journey.

There’s probably a direct relationship between how unhappy and dissatisfied you are with your life and how firmly entrenched you are in your comfort zone. Change is the law of life, and trying to resist that simple fact is the source of much unhappiness in the world. Rather than fight against the tides, preempt them. Seek out change; get comfortable with the uncomfortable.

This isn’t for everyone, but perhaps the most drastic measure on this list also happens to be the most effective, and the most time-honored. If your prospects are poor, if you’re feeling utterly alone and without purpose, you can do what countless young men before you have done and sign up for the armed services. You’ll be given a purpose and surrounded by people who will come to depend on you, as you will come to depend on them. Few experiences in life are more empowering.

Sometimes, you can only look as good as you feel, and other times, you can only feel as good as you look. Invest in a new, comfortable and stylish wardrobe, making sure to buy only clothes that fit well and that you’re going to wear. Dressing well pays dividends in terms of self-esteem, and that alone makes it worth the effort.

If you’re alive today, you come from a long line of men who successfully mated with women. In other words, your case can’t be nearly as hopeless as you might think it is. Not to mention, every time you see a pretty girl in a coffee shop or at a party and you don’t take matters into your own hands and at the very least say hello, a little part of you dies. It happens little by little, but over time it’s enough to make a big difference. Go say hi; it won’t kill you.

It might seem impossibly difficult, especially if you already only speak one language, but few things are as rewarding as learning to speak another language. You’ll unlock an entirely new culture and community of people, broadening your horizons in the process.

Keep track of which clothes you wear and which you don’t. Make a big pile of the clothes you didn’t wear at all, or barely wore, and take them to your nearest charity. There’s no need to be weighed down by things, especially things that are no longer useful to you, so do the right thing and give them to someone who could really benefit from them.

Having guy friends as a guy is no less important than it is for a girl to have her girl friends. That’s especially true if you’re in a relationship. And because it can be difficult to bond with guys, who tend to prefer stoicism to gabbing over coffee, it’s all the more important that you have some set time to spend with your boys. Consider hosting a weekly poker game or Monday night football at your place -- anything that will keep you in regular contact with a group of friends.

The benefits of athletic competition are too numerous to list here, but our immediate interest in sports is two-fold: first, you’ll be devoting yourself to something with a huge room for potential growth, where success is predicated on all of the same factors (devotion, work ethic, ambition) it takes to succeed in life; and second, you’ll be given the opportunity to bond with men over your mutual love of competition and physical excellence. Sound hokey? It is, but it’s also true. If you’re a hockey player, a real hockey player, you can step on the ice of any rink in the world and be recognized as a player by total strangers. Ditto basketball, ditto football, ditto ultimate frisbee and golf and curling.

There’s nothing quite like volunteering on behalf of society’s poorest and most disenfranchised to put your problems into perspective. And, paradoxically, helping others really is one of the best ways to help yourself.

Find a cause you believe in, something that really inspires you, and put your money where your mouth is. You’ll benefit knowing that you’ve done some good in the world.

Men are often raised to be self-sacrificing, even to the point of insanity. There’s nothing wrong with saying “no,” with setting boundaries and sticking to them, and doing so is actually the hallmark of a healthy self-esteem. If you have a habit of overburdening yourself and taking on more than you can manage for the sake of others, disengage. Your real friends won’t mind.

“A man got to have a code” -- so says The Wire’s gun-toting, scarfaced badass Omar Little, and I’ll be damned if he wasn’t spot on. You’re free to choose that code for yourself, but we’d recommend finding something that inspires you -- a speech, a poem or a quote from film or television -- and memorizing it. That’s right: memorize it. It’s got to be internalized, something you can draw on at a moment’s notice.

Sound simple? It is, but something as simple as this early morning routine can set your mind at ease and prepare you for the day to come.

Thousands of years of human learning and experience have been preserved for us in the pages of books. Cultivate your curiosity by heading to your nearest bookstore or library and picking out a handful of books on subjects that interest you. Start slowly, reading a chapter here or there, until you’ve built up your patience and reading comprehension, and you’ll quickly find that what once seemed a chore has become an insatiable passion.

Our lives so easily get cluttered. Simplify your life by ridding yourself of any possessions you no longer need. You’ll be grateful for the increased space.

Aside from the numerous health benefits associated with drinking water, it will also keep you feeling full and help stave off cravings -- for food, for sugar, even for cigarettes.

For your health, for the vitamin D, for your general well-being -- doesn’t really matter what excuse you use, just make sure you get an hour of sunshine a day. We spend too much time confined in dark rooms, separated from the wider world, and even an hour a day can pay huge dividends towards improving our mood and general well-being.

Few things are so intimately tied to our well-being as our sleep. If we aren’t sleeping well, chances are good we aren’t feeling well. And if we aren’t feeling well, chances are very good we won’t sleep well. Do yourself a favor and establish a set sleep schedule: Wake up at a certain time every day, even on weekends, and get into bed at a certain time every night. Your body will thank you.

Don’t think of it like you’re a teenager recording his daily drama. Think of it as a record of your life, a way to chart your feelings and track your progress, day by day. You’ll be able to look back on specific dates and see patterns in your performance -- plus, the simple act of putting into writing your experiences will help you contextualize them.

The anger and resentment we carry around gnaws at us, weighing us down almost without our realizing it. Let it go. If someone hurt you once, they’re probably not worth your lingering resentment.

They gave birth to you and (hopefully) fed you, clothed you and gave you shelter. They’re entitled to the odd phone call, and they’ll be grateful to know you were thinking of them.

You don’t need to shave your head or chant or burn incense, but do spend a few hours a week in a meditative state. Meditation is one of the few non-Western practices to have significant scientific endorsement, and that’s because it works. You’ll reduce your stress and anxiety and improve your sleep, all for the price of a few hours of mindful relaxation.

Desperate times call for desperate measures. If life is overwhelming you, book a professional massage. You’d be amazed at how much less stressed out you feel. Plus, if like most people you carry around a lot of tension in your muscles, the relaxing feeling will last for days.

This one is huge, because so much time is wasted each day checking and replying to emails, most of which -- let’s face it -- are not vitally important. Set a time frame in the morning and in the late afternoon in which you’ll reply to emails, and don’t so much as open your Inbox outside of those times.

Men created technology to help us in our day-to-day lives, but we’ve been so successful in that regard that we are now in serious danger of allowing time spent on the Internet or in front of a television to distract us from the business of living our lives. It becomes a kind of dependency, something so normal to us that we don’t even realize when it’s eaten into our free time. Make a conscious effort to cut out or severely reduce your usage of a significant technology -- the computer? Maybe your smartphone? Or your portable music player? -- and re-commit yourself to experiencing life unplugged. You’ll be surprised at the difference it can make.

You should probably be doing this one regularly, but when things aren’t looking up, cleaning is often the last thing on our mind. But our environment contributes to our mood, and if your bedroom floor is constantly covered with clothes, your bathroom is bordering on unsanitary and there are pizza boxes from last week collecting dust in your kitchen, it’s time to make a change. The actual act of cleaning will take your mind off your problems for a couple of hours, and you’ll enjoy the feeling of living in a clean apartment.

You don’t have to copy Patrick Bateman to have a successful start to your day, but just like any good free-throw shooter, you should have a routine. Something you do consistently that puts you in the right frame of mind to attack the day. Maybe that’s a set of pushups, or some yoga poses, or some meditation. It doesn’t much matter what you do, so long as it gives you an early-morning boost and it’s something you can do consistently.

For more than a half-century now, television has been America’s great time sink, so it’s no surprise that one of the fastest ways to achieve a turnaround in your quality of life is to ditch it entirely. Disconnect your cable for a full month. Use the time you would have spent sitting on your ass to do something productive and see if, after 30 days, you’re not blown away by how much you’ve accomplished.

This one, though perhaps intimidating to many, is actually much easier than it sounds. Seek out a rock star in your field -- A sales leader? A published academic? A famous lawyer? -- and shoot them an email. Keep it short and simple to increase your chances of getting a reply.

Our wallets become filled with all kinds of junk -- calling cards, receipts, coupons -- that expand its size and literally force us to carry around more weight than necessary. Consider a cluttered wallet like a poisoned canary down the mine shaft: It’s not so bad in itself, but it’s a sign of worse things to come.