WASHINGTON—According to a press conference held moments ago by The Food Institute, Americans across the country are all presently picturing a fresh, right-out-of-the-oven warm piece of cinnamon coffee cake that just melts in your mouth. “Currently, the entire U.S. populace is thinking about digging into a soft, rich slice of coffee cake—one of those nice and big ones with the crumbles on top,” said Food Institute representative Raymond Dodge, adding that he, along with every other American resident, can almost taste a layer of crisp almond slices perfectly complementing the tender moistness of the rest of the cake. “Citizens throughout the nation are at this moment imagining how it would taste with some blueberries baked in, maybe a little whipped cream on the side, and a big, cool glass of milk to wash it all down.” At press time, sources confirmed the nation was glumly eating a granola bar.