Theresa May’s big break – campaign help from Jim Davidson

This time two years ago – heck, even during the EU referendum – it was impossible to move without having some nitwit off the telly intrude on your life to sway you into voting a certain way.

This time around, though? There’s barely a peep from anyone. Those on the left are too worn down from previous accusations of being out-of-touch luvvies, and those on the right are so confident of a Theresa May victory that they don’t even have to halfheartedly threaten the country if things don’t go their way.

So strapped are we for celebrity attention, in fact, that a recent “who’s endorsed who?” piece in the NME was forced to include a tweet by forgotten decade-old landfill indie types Reverend and the Makers. To make matters worse, the tweet was less an endorsement and more a defeated sigh, ending with: “They’ll probably lose”.

But come on, stars! There must be one of you out there ready to nail your colours to the mast. Someone. Anyone? Just Jim Davidson again? Really? OK, fine.

Props to Davidson, though. He is doing more than most. He is physically out on the campaign trail; putting in the hours, convincing strangers to vote with his undeniable star quality and relentless charisma. Which means, obviously, he went to Derby on Thursday and stood in a deserted car park next to a branch of Iceland in the pouring rain, holding a soggy sign for Conservative candidate Amanda Solloway to the delight and appreciation of absolutely nobody. An hour later, he tweeted a selfie of brokenhearted, waterlogged misery. “Its going really well,” he said. “U luk like Ian Beale lol,” someone replied.

But this utter lack of democratic interest ultimately has to be a good thing. Sure, it is a sign that the country is too broken, exhausted and immobile to engage properly with the issues that define it, but at least it means that nobody will make a British version of the toe-curling celebrity-drenched pro-Hillary Fight Song video that drowned in its own earnestness ahead of last year’s Democratic national convention. Sure, Jim Davidson in an anorak is bad, but the moment I have to watch Arg from TOWIE harmonise with himself in a Song for Corbyn clip on YouTube, I am leaving the country.