Earlier this month I asked you guys for the worst email sign-offs you'd ever seen. Well, well, well, did you ever deliver. Many people (understandably, as I am always correct) agreed with me that "Best" is an arrogant and disgusting way to cap off your digital correspondence. But oh, there are plenty of other terrible things you can add.
"Cheers" is only okay if you're from the UK:
Cheers is the worst from anyone who isn't from somewhere in the UK. Unless you're physically in my presence we have drinks in our hands, knock that shit off you pretentious fucks. - LBCPooler
Sending stuff from your mobile phone is no excuse to suck at emailing:
"Sent from my mobile device, please ignore typos" FFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU - Hardwarewars
It's 2015. All phones have spell check. Learn how to proofread your emails, no matter where you write them from. - tidymaze
"forgive any typos...sent from my iphone/android"
No. Fuck that. I'm not forgiving your sorry ass typos. Learn to type and/or spell. Don't blame your sloppy correspondence on your phone....because I'm not...I'm blaming you, fat fingers. You are a professional (allegedly). Act like it. - UncleWalty
Images, like, who cares:
Anything with goddamn images. - dorky67
No hippie shit:
"Please consider the environment before printing this e-mail."
I'm printing 100 copies to counter-act your smugness. - Will H
People who send you a nasty flame and then sign it "Peace" or "Namaste " are the worst. - Mantelli
I work in a field full of pretentious blowhards who talk about "wellness" like it's some secret. Nearly every single one of them have some odd juxtaposition of quotes in their email signature like "Be the change you want to see in the world" just above "May you stay forever young." I rarely read these, because I never scroll that far or care that much. But there is one soul-destroying closing that a sizable minority in my field uses, and it makes me mad with rage when I see it:
Be Well.
FUUUUUUUUCK YOUR SMUG FACE. FUCK IT UNTIL IT BLEEDS. Be well? Oh, like I need a reminder to generally be just kinda okay, and not sick, mentally or physically. Thanks for the nothing, in-my-face sense of general well-wishing at the end of a business email, you touch hole. Not to mention, maybe I am having a drizzling shit kind of day, and want to be fucking unwell with a bunch of rum and fatty foods. Thought about that, you email-closing Confucius? - CromartieMcFly
First kill all lawyers:
The five mile long disclaimer full of completely unenforceable terms. Like ones that forbid you from forwarding the message even though the sender requests you send this on the right person. Okay, sometimes that's not your choice, so the company is the jackhole and not the person doing the sending. - oldtaku
I don't care about signatures, but I hate those "this email is confidential, blah blah blah" which is basically saying that if it's not for you, don't read it...
Well if it's not for me, don't fucking send it to me. And don't fucking put the disclaimer in 4pt font, at the bottom of the fucking email, so that it's the last fucking thing I see. And besides, that disclaimer has no legal basis. I can't unsee what I see. So fuck you, remove that shit and reduce the size of the emails you're sending, and stop fucking spamming me with shit I don't care about! - sg1969
This one is so bad that it is magnificent:
There were a lot of contenders for Worst Sign-off O' Them All. Then my evil colleague Ashley Feinberg reminded us that this exists...
If anyone can top that...feel free to do so in the comments.
Contact the author at kate.knibbs@gizmodo.com.
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