What I’m really thinking: the star pupil

I can accept that you don’t like me, but it’s your hypocrisy that I can’t stand – the way you contact me only when you want something. Do you know how many unanswered conversations I have on WhatsApp, asking me questions at 10pm the night before a test? Do you assume I’m too stupid to understand your attempted exploitation? Or is it that you just don’t care?

I never used to feel this way; I used to try so hard to explain theories and content to you. Even when you asked me in lessons, I was always willing to abandon my own work to help, but after all these years, nothing ever comes back. I hate the way your first reaction after getting a bad grade is to hope that I have scored just as miserably.

A newcomer to our class might find me arrogant, but that is because I started feigning indifference to my good results, because you all started taunting me. Well, guess what? I have feelings, too. I remember trying so hard to fit in. Lowering my eyes when I was called out multiple times for the school certificates; begging teachers not to hand out my essay as an example; spending break time crying on the toilet, because my friends told me they couldn’t stand my grades any more.

I have emotions and hopes and dreams, too, you know. Deep down, I yearn for friendship, but for all my answers to your constant requests, you rejected me whenever I attempted to connect with you. I’m sick of being used. Next time you need to know something, try asking Google. I’m sure it doesn’t want anything back.