Following last year’s gag about Miley Cyrus enjoying “twerky” in her Christmas dinner, the TV channel Gold has once again asked the British public for its best new Christmas cracker jokes – and this year’s winning entry riffs on Jason Orange’s departure from Take That. Prepare for groans:
What will be missing from Take That’s Christmas stocking this year? An Orange.
The winning wit, Lynne Newton, has won a £1,500 holiday for her troubles. Like all the entrants she submitted her joke via Twitter, before a shortlist was voted on by a panel of 2,000 Brits. The rest of the top 10 is below.
2. How does Luis Suárez like his Christmas dinner? Bite-sized.
3. What do the royal family play at Christmas instead of musical chairs? Game of Thrones.
4. What did the Snowman say to the aggressive carrot? “Get out of my face.”
5. Why is Christmas a busy time for David Cameron? He’s got two parties to organise.
6. What’s the difference between Bono and Santa? Santa gives you things you want.
7. Why won’t Santa visit Nigel Farage? Because he only comes if you sleep, not if Ukip.
8. Why are snowmen rubbish at cricket? They’re always bowling snowballs.
9. I got a Ukip advent calendar. It’s rubbish, all the doors keep slamming shut.
10. Why is The Great British Bake Off like the nativity? Because the Star is in the Yeast.
If you think can write a better two-line topical gag to inflict on your relatives, post it in the comments below.
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