VAN NUYS, CA—A study released this week by the San Fernando Valley Institute for Adults-Only Research indicates that a staggering 96 percent of U.S. pornography is consumed by the filthiest 1 percent of the population. “Of all the pornography watched everywhere in the world, the vast majority is consumed by this elite group of ‘super-perverts,’” the study read in part. “The most disturbing aspect of these findings is that everybody in the top 1 percent thinks that everyone else is looking at porn too, and that this is somehow ‘normal,’ but in fact the individuals who think this are small in number and simply the nastiest, dirtiest masturbating freaks out there.” The report concluded that the filthiest 1 percent should feel deep shame for being such incredibly disgusting deviants.