Would You: A) Tell Your Wife You Blew The Honeymoon Money On Bad Investments, Or B) Rob A Bank With A Dildo?
Triblive - Aaron Stein’s wedding was just days away, his honeymoon booked, when he got word that $9,000 he’d invested in foreign currency markets to pay for the trip was gone. In a move of desperation, his attorney Bruce Carsia said, Stein made a fake bomb out of what police would later identify as phone wires, duct tape and a sex toy, and he used it to threaten tellers and rob a PNC Bank on June 15 in Crafton. He wore an Iron Man mask to hide his identity. Stein, 36, of Elliott pleaded guilty Thursday in Allegheny County Common Pleas Court to robbery, aggravated assault, making bomb threats, making a fake bomb and four counts of reckless endangerment. “This was completely out of character for Mr. Stein,” Carsia said. “He just panicked.”
Ok, let’s hold it right there. Let’s pause for a second. What type of person are you imagining? Meaning, what do you think Aaron Stein looks like? At first I was imagining a surfer type bro, one of those guys with all the confidence in the world. Then I thought about it, and was like, wait, Aaron Stein. That’s not a surfer bro name. What in the world does this guy look like? Who would rob a bank with a dildo bomb?
Well, here’s our answer:
What the fuck!? Fat guys don’t rob banks! You have to be lightning on your feet, quick on the to and fro. You can’t look like you’re about to film Mall Rats 2 and wear the worst shorts of all time (very good reference by me, patting myself on the back).
Stein spent about 18 days in the Allegheny County Jail until his bail was reduced and his father was able to post it. He then had his belated wedding, Carsia said.
On the real, it takes all sorts of panic and balls for a fat guy to rob a bank. He was so scared to tell his soon-to-be wife that he blew the 9k investing in a Nigerian prince that he figured he better whip up a dildo bomb and give it his best shot. And the best part? After 18 days in jail, they still got married. That’s just love, baby. Finding a fat guy who would rob a bank and go to jail for you instead of admitting he blew $9,000, every young girl’s dream.