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15 Sleep Talkers Reveal

15 Guys Reveal The Most Embarrassing Things They've Said In Bed (While Asleep)

June 14, 2017

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It’s late at night and you hear an odd whisper in the night. It’s not some unruly burglar. Instead, it’s your significant other divulging her deepest and darkest secrets as she sleeps. You listen more intently and then you hear it:

"You're just one grape away,” and you burst out laughing.

There is an inherent fascination with sleep talking. Only 5 percent of adults actually “suffer” from the medical condition officially referred to as somniloquy, but for the rest of us, it’s nothing more than unfiltered entertainment. Adam Rosenberg, a filmmaker based in Colorado took it one step further last year. He’d already become quite infamous among his peers for his sleep talking so he decided to record himself every night for a year. The results were interesting, to say the least.

"No, you should put the drumsticks in your mouth," just one of the many revelations he uttered during his sleep. Check out the full video:

Sleep talking is generally harmless but wholly unpredictable. Sometimes the phrases can be almost prophetic, other times hilarious and even on the odd occasion absolutely terrifying. AskMen has scoured the internet and found the best sleep talking stories around.

The Oddly Poetic

What can us mere mortals derive from our half wake/half sleep superior beings? Who knows? But pancakes might have something to do with it.

1. Ex-boyfriend said angrily in his sleep while rolling away from me, "Just because my middle name is Pancake doesn't mean you can put syrup on me before I'm ready to come out of the oven." - Reddit user: Jalalabadminton

2. My ex once said, “Plantains are just mean bananas.” - Reddit user: tquiz

3. A few years back I woke up to my friend sitting upright in his bed, he turned his head and went "oh my god, Jesus is making pancakes" - Reddit user: angelwitha-shotgun

The Scary

Sometimes you wish you DIDN’T hear what someone had to say in their slumber.

4. Apparently, one night (I) sat up and started laughing and the told my ex-wife that I poisoned her with anthrax. Immediately put my head on the pillow. - Reddit user: tetrark

5. One night my friend was mumbling in his sleep and I told him to shut up, and he immediately whipped his neck around to look at me but his eyes were rolled into the back of his head, and he said something really loud in Latin and passed out. Needless to say, my pants were ruined, next day I asked him about it and he never even took Latin… - Reddit user r/Hobart

Nope, nope, nope, nope.

The Confusing

Absurdity meets hilarity and the end result? Well just read on:

6. I have two, both from my husband...

"I'm sorry Mr. Pie I want cake"

The second one he was asleep beside me and out of nowhere, rolled to face me and groaned "No! I'm a beaver see?" and started clacking his teeth at me. - Reddit user: IDontKnowHowToHandle

I don’t even know where to start.

7. "Wash the salad, motherfucker!"

Pause.

"Bitch"

- Reddit user: Books_and_Boobs

8. “My friend screamed out in the middle of the night, "Grandma, don't play football with a taco!" - Reddit User: myoriginaldidntwork

To be honest, that’s pretty good life advice.

9. A few months ago I went in to give my son a kiss goodnight and, right as I do, with his eyes still closed and still asleep, he says "The F-Word is fuck. I know the R-word too but it's really bad." I still have no idea what the R-word is. He also once shot up in bed, eyes still closed, screaming "Make the squids stop spawning!" - Reddit user: StickleyMan

Ok seriously...what’s the “r” word?

10. My wife heard me once say "I forgive you for your dark Chinese past". - Reddit user: mattreyu

Don’t act like we don’t all have one…

11. My girlfriend's sister advised "It's ok to eat the door" - Reddit user: ar4s

I bet it’s protein dense

12. My wife who is mixed race. Said I want to give the Amish hay but do you think they are racist? - Reddit user: bushidomaster

13. My wife sat bolt upright at 2 in the morning, her hand slapping down on my chest kickstarting my adrenaline. A few seconds later, as I'm listening for whatever intruders, etc., had caused her to wake so suddenly, she says, "ninjas are not the answer," before laying back down and falling back asleep. - Reddit user: mikeoquinn

Not sure I want to live in a world where ninjas AREN’T the answer.

14. Both from my SO, "I don't care if the Cubans won't let you through customs, I still love you," and "Look at my beautiful long hair. I'm playing underwater tennis with my long hair." He's a pretty funny guy when awake but the things he says in his sleep are definitely the most hilarious. - Reddit user: skinnybanana2012

15. 1986, I'm sleeping. Mom comes in to shut off the cartoon express and I shout "the British are coming" and drop a huge fart. - Reddit: Karometer

Sounds about accurate.