With school out for the summer, families are packing up and hitting the road. Here are The Onion’s top family vacation destinations.
Wisconsin Dells
Dubbed “the water park capital of the world,” the Dells offers families an exciting way to add to their damp Band-Aid collection
The Grand Canyon
This natural wonder is a must-see, especially if you have one of those kids who’s always picking up rocks and bringing them into the fucking car
Dallas, Texas
Besides Dealey Plaza and the Texas School Book Depository, Dallas offers plenty of other attractions, such as the grassy knoll, the Stemmons Freeway, and Parkland Memorial Hospital
Disney World
All the fun and excitement of Euro Disney, right here in America
Maui
For young families, Maui offers the same attractions as Honolulu while being only 2,471 miles off the California coast rather than 2,532 miles
New York City
Respectable 4.5/5 stars on Melissa’s Travel Blog
The Villa Outside Monte Carlo
This will be our last summer together before the children are shipped away to finishing school, and the fresh sea breeze would do wonders for sickly little Henrietta
Colonial Williamsburg
Let the kids learn about at the folksy, primitive ways of the people who wrote our current firearm regulations
Carlsbad Caverns
The 250-million-year-old formation featuring the country’s fifth-largest cave is one of the world’s most popular places to scream “hello!” a bunch of times
Aunt Paula’s House
She has a pool